19 December 2008

The Rip-off (Part 1)

'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the bi-level

Not a creature was stirring, except a magical mystery mouse crawling around in the wall and freaking the dogs out.

The stockings were not hung by the chimney with care,

Because St. Nicholas would be in Pueblo, not there, and also because the chimney is inside the walls, and if we were to hang stockings by the chimney, they would get all smokey and charred and then what good would they be?

Violet was nestled all snug in his bed,

While visions of Wii games danced in his head.

And Jazzy in her sweater, and Carmen under wrap,

Had just blocked out Puck for a spot on my lap.

When up in the cat room there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.

Away up the stairs I flew like a flash,

But then slipped on the carpet and fell and bruised the hell out of my ass, and I wasn't even drinking so don't jump to conclusions you bastard.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Made me laugh at using the word breast to describe snow, because that's pretty ridiculous.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear (even though it stunk, visual capture trumps olfactory input),

But a kablooie on the rug, whom it came from was clear, because it was especially tiny and inexplicably cute. Yah I think shit can be cute, fuck your judgmental self if you want to give me a hard time about it.



Blogger Riley said...

no "Stairway to Heaven"

Blogger Altered Egoist said...

Who's so judgemental?


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