10 September 2008

On Beans, Butts, and Blankets

Perhaps she didn't get enough time with her mother. Perhaps she fancies herself an intrepid spelunker. Or perhaps she simply likes to be cozy. Whatever the reason, the Bot has recently identified a new favorite sleeping place: my crotch. Now before you jump to disgusting conclusions, I will point out that she does not position herself with direct olfactory access to my bits, but rather aligns herself to be parallel with the headboard. Even under the sheets, her sense of direction is astounding.

Nevertheless, her newfound den of sleeves (I sometimes sleep with my clean laundry so it doesn't get stepped on before I wear it) poses a problem for me: I get hot, dammit! And so I often sleep with a pillow between my legs. But this poses a problem for the Bot: pillows interfere with the existence of a crotch-nest (again, calm your dirty little minds), and also intrude on critical snuggle space. A Bean is no match for my pillow, and this one knows it.

I am left with a conundrum: go against all that I hold true--that Beans should be loved, spoiled, and accommodated, or position myself as I see fit, and let her find a spot afterwards. Maybe I'm just ashamed of my feeble ability to withstand the beguiling charms of a hot potato, but invariably I submit to the squirmy delight. This allows for the third, and best, option: let her get hot first, and while she repositions, deftly turn over and execute the classic butt-block. It's completely impenetrable, except by the mightiest of burrowers, or the most cunning of wet noses.


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