Summer WTF?

Ok. Follow along, my darling little cupcakes. Say, for the sake of argument, that 0° F = the average August high temperature for the Boulder Minor Outlying Suburbs. Now: if you apply that standard to today's high temperature in the Boulder Minor Outlying Suburbs, then today's temperature was -25°. Fucking fuck everything about summer dying a slow hideous death while I am helpless to do anything but watch. Fucking fuck. I'm in sweatpants. I wore a winter hat today. I'm under a blanket, with a bean under here with me. Fake summer, if I had male genitalia, I would tell you to fellate me. For lack of that, I'll just say, bloody fucking hell fuck you fucking crispy around the edges chewy in the center fucking fake summer fuck! Suck the fucking shit out of my ass and gargle it you sorry excuse for a season!