28 January 2008

Flint: a Statistical Analysis

After 3 delightful years of marriage, I feel that now is a good time to look back over all the things I have learned about him, and consequently, myself. Marriage itself is still up in the air.

96% of the time, Flint is impervious to coercion.
Of the remaining 4%, 3% consists of his susceptibility to advertising.
The other 1% is comprised of a variety of factors.

Analysis: Flint does what he wants, when he wants.

80% of the time, Flint goes to bed before 10 PM.
The remaining 20% comes about because 50% of the time, Flint takes a nap after work.

Analysis: Flint is a nappin' fool.

2% of the time, Flint will clean the kitchen.
The 2% has been accomplished within 2 weeks of this post 90% of the time.

Analysis: If the kitchen is in the process of being cleaned, Flint is probably smoking a cigarette.
Alternative analysis: If Flint has recently cleaned the kitchen, Flint will attempt to impose rules about how the kitchen should stay clean (74.3% of which Flint will break before Bug breaks them).

1% of the time, Flint will drink a beer.

Analysis: Bug must make up for the other 99% of the time by drinking for two (so as to keep the universe in balance).

96.9% of the time, Flint will prefer cats to dogs.

Analysis: Even Flint is not resistant to the beguiling charms of the Bean (and formerly of the German Angel).

100% of the time, Flint will be supportive of bug's schooling.

Analysis: Flint is 100% awesome when it comes to Bug's constantly-changing aspirations.
0% of the time, Flint will have interpreted "aspiration" as the suction of fluid from a cavity.
15% of the time, Flint will agree to "maybe later" go for a walk with Bug and the dogs.

Analysis: 15% of the time, Flint wants to fool Bug into complacency.
1% of the time, Flint will trim his nose hairs.

Analysis: The 1% is a future prediction, to be achieved by Flint being drugged into oblivion and having his nose hairs trimmed for him.


Blogger Riley said...

Reason: as long as you're keeping the universe in balance

Analysis: Bug is approaching genius

Anonymous Catnip said...

You win the sore-muscles-from-laughing-making-blog-post -of-the-week prize. Congrats and Thanks

Blogger Altered Egoist said...

I've done my part to keep the universe in balance!

You didn't mention how he play with his Wii-ner all the time...

Blogger Altered Egoist said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Bug said...

A deleted comment. How very mysterious.


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