27 July 2007

7 Easy Steps to Pain Management!

1. Diagnose your restless foot syndrome as wasp poisoning.
2. Soak foot in ice water until numb.
3. Get up and act like a normal person no longer than 3 minutes, at which point pain will return.
4. Slather on creams and salves that make no difference, and complement with false claims by Advil.
5. Wrap a tube of frozen sausage in a sock, take to bed with you, finally fall asleep.
6. Wake up in a pool of sausage sweat.
7. Repeat process.

4 Comments:

Anonymous JH said...

I've always subscribed to 1 Easy Step of Pain Management: Buck up.

7/28/2007  
Blogger Bug said...

I fart in your general direction. It hurt.

7/28/2007  
Anonymous JH said...

The operative word being "hurt," in the past tense. Are you feeling better? Maybe we should just amputate.

7/28/2007  
Anonymous the wasp that stung you said...

frozen sausage? don't you have frozen veggies like normal people? sheesh.

7/29/2007  

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