27 July 2007

7 Easy Steps to Pain Management!

1. Diagnose your restless foot syndrome as wasp poisoning.
2. Soak foot in ice water until numb.
3. Get up and act like a normal person no longer than 3 minutes, at which point pain will return.
4. Slather on creams and salves that make no difference, and complement with false claims by Advil.
5. Wrap a tube of frozen sausage in a sock, take to bed with you, finally fall asleep.
6. Wake up in a pool of sausage sweat.
7. Repeat process.


Anonymous JH said...

I've always subscribed to 1 Easy Step of Pain Management: Buck up.

Blogger Bug said...

I fart in your general direction. It hurt.

Anonymous JH said...

The operative word being "hurt," in the past tense. Are you feeling better? Maybe we should just amputate.

Anonymous the wasp that stung you said...

frozen sausage? don't you have frozen veggies like normal people? sheesh.


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