Oh... So That's What They're For

Credit cards, I mean. In a fit of bi-level induced rage, I got online. I got out my credit card (World Points, woo hoo!). I got Flint's approbation. I got new appliances. They are stainless. They are the whole set. Fridge (bottom-mount freezer--way cool, pun intened), dishwasher (hard food disposal--no rinsing!), microwave/hood combo (a space-saving delight), and--wait for it--a glasstop stove. This gets an entire paragraph of its own.

Not 72 hours ago, the Nip and I were cooking stroganoff. Her gourmet recipe, complete with shallots instead of onions and red wine instead of water, was to be the eating event of the year. And it was, but not without some hang-ups. One of the gross coil burners didn't work. So the pot that was boiling water for the yummy wide egg noodles had to share space with the pot that was cooking the organic mushrooms, shallots and BGH-free sirloin (Whole Foods, you are so elitist). This ridiculous circumstance was compounded by a crooked element which produced a sliding phenomenon of both food and pot.

So you see, my darlings, it was not a want that drove me to increase my debt. It was a need. Flint can now make tea on a nice clean cooktop. I can now make canned soup in a nice, clean microwave. I can still leave dishes all over the counter, but when, 6 days later, I decide to actually load the dishwasher, I will not have to rinse those biohazard harbingers of food poisoning. And when I open my freezer, I will not be met with the sad discovery of ice sheets covered in 2 inch-thick frost and twice-thawed and refrozen pot pies and microwave White Castle slyders. I will have new appliances.

They will go so very, very nicely with the poo-brown cabinets, stained vinyl flooring, and 31 year-old laminate countertops.

See what suburbia has done to me? Dear God. The things that excite me these days...