19 January 2007

Ok, Here's Something

Last night, as I was walking home later than I would have liked (I missed a bus), colder than I would have liked (I thought the day would have been warmer, and so I was WAY underdressed), I noticed streams of cars aiming for the unvaried bi-levels of my neighborhood. It occurred to me that I live in a "bedroom community," and this has got me to thinking.

1. My bedroom should be much nicer than it is. Seeing as how I spend a good third of my life there, it should actually be appealing, not appalling, with its stark white walls, poo-brown carpet, and hand-me-down "antique" bed set.

2. Bedrooms should see much more action than mine does these days. Violet, you know what I'm talking about. Sorry, everyone else. I know this was an unhappy revelation.

And so, I acknowledge that my bedroom is not all that it should be, and I hatch a plan to remedy the situation. First, I will empty the room of everything. This will actually be kind of cool, because I'll be sleeping in the living room! Fun! This step includes permanently banishing the fake-wood Wal-Mart dressers. Please note I was not present at the time of their purchase. I will then paint the room an alluring shade of red, or purple, or taupe, or something. This will cover the bird/stone dichotomy not only by adding color to my boring walls, but also by creating a hot-sex inducing atmosphere certain to inspire MF to take off his pants. I will then add a colorful rug to cover up the poopy carpet. The next step will be to erect (hint hint) a sleek bedroom set to add a finished look to the room. I will then adorn my walls with art (since I am a humanities major, I should have lots of art and stuff around anyway; it's kind of like a requirement to appreciate this stuff). I will accessorize with lamps, small pieces of art, and of course candles.

I will then take a bubble bath, anoint myself with oils, turn on the Barry White (I've never resorted to R&B before, but desperate times call for desperate measures), and wait for the magic to happen.


Anonymous Catnip said...

That's a relief. I thought you were about to hitchhike.


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