24 January 2007

My Shoveling Misadventure

Since misadventure is such a wildly popular word in blogland, I decided to use it in a title. While this blog could ostensibly be titled the Misadventures of a Bug or something else equally clever, I leave the clichéd titles to my colleagues and continue on as a bug on a hill. It's kind of a little pun on my name, too, and who doesn't like a pun?

Anyway, I was visiting the folks last time it snowed. The times before I had gallantly shoveled my sidewalks while Violet kept the house warm, but this time I wasn't available. Fortunately, the house stayed warm thanks to Violet, but unfortunately, the sidewalks never got shoveled. And so, today, as the sun shined blindingly down my avenue of bi-levels, I decided to tackle the snow-turned-ice of the sidewalk.

It started off well, with big chunks of compacted slush virtually jumping into my shovel as I literally charged past inches of pavement. And then, I hit a tougher form of dirty water--ice. I had to raise the shovel in the air like one of those angry fighting beetles to get enough momentum to chop my way through literally inches of the stuff. And while it was tiring, I still made reasonable progress. Until tragedy struck.

On a particularly robust attack in which I put most of my strength and body weight into the drive of the shovel, I experienced a bounce-back of legendary proportions. It was enough to make my hands vibrate as the scoop of the shovel was deflected by the resolute ice, determined to stay long enough on my sidewalk to break someone's leg and get me sued. I was totally unprepared for the magnitude of the kick, and as my flimsy muscles failed me, the handle of the shovel reversed its trajectory, aimed to kill, and HIT MY BOOBIE.

I was dumbstruck. I was confused. But mostly, I was in pain. For those of you that can't relate to having a boobie smooshed, hit, or otherwise abused, allow me to make a comparison: you just got kicked in the balls. So now you can understand my need for revenge. I retaliated on the ice by getting out my ax, usually reserved only for drunken forays into the garage for firewood, and chopped the hell out of the ice. I succeeded in wounding both the ice and my ax, but my morale and self-respect remain intact.


Blogger Hoban Family said...

Been there.

Blogger Hoban Family said...

Consider yourself tagged! I am tagging you for six weird things because I enjoy your blog so much.
RULES: people who get tagged need to write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. in the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.


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