What Kinds of Gods Am I Dealing With Here?

Seriously, what in the universe could possibly have granted me an A- on that paper?!?!! You remember, my little cupcakes, the one last week with which I had no idea what I was doing? God works in mysterious ways. Especially for atheists. Could it be that I am just naturally favored over the rest of humanity? That I would have the best husband, the best mom and dad, the best proofreader/sister, the best dogs and the best mind in the universe? That I would live not on the street, but in a big, (insert positive value judgment here), bi-level? Do I owe this grade to luck, fluke, or inherent brilliance? It's hard to say, my darlings, but with a mere 37 days until the end of the semester, I can actually see the (near-death experience) light (of love and acceptance into heaven. Or actually, into the 2nd circle of hell, where I will spin around for eternity in a whirlwind for my lustful tendencies, or perhaps the 6th Circle where I will reside in a burning coffin forever--depending on which day I take the quiz, apparently. PS. Ani DiFranco is cool and also very weird, she makes me want to be an angry lesbian.).