Happy Halloween

I've got something scary for you, my creepy little cupcakes, in honor of the best holiday of the year. Last night, I took what I thought to be a harmless, time-wasting little quiz. When I checked my spam box for the results, I got more than I bargained for. You see, my dastardly darlings, that chronologically, I am 27 years old. I know, I know, I'm a baby. BUT. My Real Age is not 27. I am actually 36--36.1 to be exact. That's right, my spooky little sweethearts, I have 9 years less to live simply because of my lifestyle. I'm gonna die old and haggard when I'm just barely pushing middle age. So, my fiendish little friends, join me in contemplating death and decay, won't you?