On Tomatoes and Tumors

They're similar in consistency, you might say. Or you might not. I mean, I wouldn't, because that would be weird. But You may, if you please. Anyway, today my Pants and I set off, along with the Eemis, to the first visit at the new vet. Why? you scream to yourself, pulling at your hair in anguish at the thought of waiting for me to finish this sentence so you can find out the purpose I had for taking my dogs to the dog-ter. Are they sick?!?!? Are they broken?!?!?! What's wrong?!?!? Well, calm down my cupcakes, and I will tell you. I took them in because they needed a check up. That's all. Well, except that Mr. Pants has a tumor. Anyway, he and Carmen both have a bit of plaque build-up, but nothing to get excited about. Carmen's eating well, Puck makes everyone laugh, and they both don't need any new shots yet. Really, they seem healthy all and all. Maybe brush their teeth, or give them some nice hard kibble. And perhaps when it's available, they'll get shots for a raccoon-borne disease. Just the basic dog stuff. Oh, wait--you want to hear about this tumor? Well, like I said, Blackerson has a lump. It's on his chest, but he doesn't seem to actually realize that. So the vet sticks in a needle while Peabody is prostrated on the floor, enjoying the fine bottom-scratching he is receiving at the hands of yours truly. She withdraws from his tumor a sample which she then proceeds to examine on a slide, all the while telling me that it could be fat (that would be good/funny) or it could be carcinoma (that would be bad/less funny/ok not at all funny). It turns out to be an oily substance, clear and benign!!! My Pants has a fatty tumor! It requires no surgery, so I get to mess with it, and tell him things like "Come here, Tumor-Pants," or "Fatty Fatterson, sit." I imagine this can only bring us closer. We stood united at death's door, and escaped. By the seat of our Pants. Fat-tastic!

As a postscript, that first picture is an example of what happens to a tomato when kept in a dark, warm place (say, atop a refrigerator, behind a variety of snack foods) for approximately 3.5 weeks. I encourage you to click on the picture for an up-close look... it's actually quite fascinating.