15 June 2006

Craptastic News!

Do you remember that delightful summer I had planned, my darlings, with the sleeping in and the reading and the afternoon margaritas? Well, that summer is no longer a possibility. In my lack of foresight, I took out student loans for all of my summer classes. Because I dropped the remainder of the courses, I am obligated to PAY BACK the loan. Or, alternatively, I can add another class or two, screw the rest of of my summer, and just suck it up. So, instead of coming up with imaginary money, I am going back to school. July 11. Goddamned government policies.

There is, however, one other way. My darling little cupcakes, I am now offering $1200 weddings, funerals, and baptisms. And possibly circumcisions, although I still have to check on that. So if any of you would like to be wed, buried, or baptized, you could sure help me out, and even save me, from a summer of strife.

(As always, I am accepting unsolicited monetary gifts in the name of Hillbug's Scholarship Fund. Your tax undeductible donation is greatly appreciated.)

In the name of bug, sommen.


Blogger Hoban Family said...

Do you perform ritualistic healings? I would pay $1200 if you could heal my family from this aweful stomach bug.

Blogger Bug said...

I will take payment up front and perform an unforgettable rite of healing, but listen... I'm not a quack, I don't promise miracles.


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