Craptastic News!

Do you remember that delightful summer I had planned, my darlings, with the sleeping in and the reading and the afternoon margaritas? Well, that summer is no longer a possibility. In my lack of foresight, I took out student loans for all of my summer classes. Because I dropped the remainder of the courses, I am obligated to PAY BACK the loan. Or, alternatively, I can add another class or two, screw the rest of of my summer, and just suck it up. So, instead of coming up with imaginary money, I am going back to school. July 11. Goddamned government policies.

There is, however, one other way. My darling little cupcakes, I am now offering $1200 weddings, funerals, and baptisms. And possibly circumcisions, although I still have to check on that. So if any of you would like to be wed, buried, or baptized, you could sure help me out, and even save me, from a summer of strife.

(As always, I am accepting unsolicited monetary gifts in the name of Hillbug's Scholarship Fund. Your tax undeductible donation is greatly appreciated.)

In the name of bug, sommen.