Dear Woodpecker, please don't peck on my bi-level.

It was awfully unkind of you to awaken me like that this morning, my last morning of merely subdued anxiety before this laser business I must attend to. I feared someone (probably a BAD GUY! I HATE bad guys!) was trying to break/drill his way in. And in a way, I guess you were. So you may have discovered that I don't one hundred percent adore my bi-level... it's not exactly a secret after all. Maybe you thought you were actually doing me a favor. Providing a valuable service perhaps. And it's true, the siding is somewhat unseemly and seems to be bulging out in inappropriate places. But that is for me to hate, not for you to destroy. Your little babies and your darling wifey I'm sure would love to nestle right into the rotting insulation, but really, the bathtub is already cold enough, without you exposing it to the elements further. So, mister locomotive beak, mister jack hammer nose, mister siding vibrator, please. Don't do that anymore.