02 January 2006

My Secret Was Revealed This Morning to Mixed Results

I had a problem. It was not unknown, but largely ignored by those closest to me... my darling husband is a somewhat disgusting slob. It's not so much that he hates cleaning, which I'm sure he does, it's just that he thinks he's still a bachelor: he doesn't notice the trail of scum he leaves in his wake, and it doesn't occur to him to not leave it. I tried nagging (hence I am now "A Nag"). I tried to encourage him nicely to no response, and, finally, I tried using my #1, never-fail girl power: crying in despair. This works so well I once averted certain break-up with it so I could, not long after that, do the breaking up myself. To this day, I've never been broken up with, and I hope it to stay that way. If anyone's doing the leaving, it'll be me, dammit! Anyway, nothing worked on MF. He is immune to my powers. Instead, I got empty promises of helping out, sticky stuff on the coffee table, cigarette butts in the fireplace, and crispy socks that can stand up by themselves. Tell him his cats are dying from asphyxiation in their ammonia-rich litter box, and nothing. I was beside myself. I could see but two options: resign myself to a life of cleaning up after my husband, or resign myself to living in a dirty house. And then it came to me: get some outside help! I couldn't tell MF, for the obvious reason: why hire someone to solve a non-existent problem?

And so I searched. And I found her--my life saver, my muse, my cleaning lady. She's here right now. She's nice. She has a cute southern accent. She cleaned up the New Year's mess. She cleaned the kitchen. She says she'll even vacuum next.

And she cleaned MF's bathroom: the Pit of Despair in the bowels of my bi-level. I love her. I'm not sure how to tell her, she might think I'm moving too fast.

Meanwhile, MF's off to Home Depot (his day off) buying locks for the offices. Once bitten, twice shy it seems; he can't cope with the idea of another stranger stealing from him again. But I trust my cleaning lady. She gave us references. She's nice, like I said. And the bathroom is clean.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

cut me some slack jack... our identities are already at risk of theft from the last seemingly service friendly furnace installers who decided that my laptop was up for grabs along with Hillbug's new bra! (sickos) so, yes I've installed locks on our offices & yes, I've added motion sensors to the front & backyards as suggested by the friendly policewoman who is still investigating our stolen property. I don't think I'm over-reacting, I'm just sick of being taken advantage of by the unsavory people who prey on the gullable & open-hearted.
..... so it's no more Mr Nice-Guy!


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