It Only Made Me Stronger

I am proud to announce that I have survived the horror story that was yesterday. I can once again walk vertically, eat and drink, and--most importantly--begin my emergency paper writing. Seeing as how I have two final papers due tomorrow, and one the following day, this is a good thing.

On a related note, I have sworn off, for an indefinite amount of time, all office parties (for the good of everyone), high heels (for the good of my balance), and, of course, alcoholic beverages (in order that my liver may decline to go on strike and continue its righteous work). My saving graces in this incident are threefold: 1) It is not actually my office that I must return to, therefore there will be no walk of shame. I pity Violet, but he is brave and will persevere; 2) I drank so much that I doubtless don't remember lots of the stupid things I did, and as long as no one reminds me, I can live in blissful ignorance of them; and 3) There were no lampshades. I think.