Hey! Someone Barfed on your kitchen!

No, my little cupcakes, that's what you may think at first, but in reality, the kitchen came that way. Someone did that. On purpose. Yeah, I know. But then, that's what you get in 1970's suburbia. Dark wood, bad layout, and inhabitants who rejected hygiene on moral grounds.

But the most wonderful thing has happened. You recall my favorite place ever to waste time, right? Well, I posted an ad the other day when I was deep in the distress of hating my kitchen. I asked, does anyone know where to find cheap new kitchen cabinets? (With cabinets generally being the most expensive part of a remodel, I probably can't afford more than one or two, and two cabinets do not a kitchen make.)

And I get a few replies, go here or there, whatever. Fine. And then the magic. A lady (hereafter referred to as My Benevolent Savior) emailed me and said She had some cabinets that She just took out of her kitchen. She sent me a picture. They were in perfect condition. My Benevolent Savior said She was only getting rid of them because they didn't fit now that She had knocked out a wall in Her kitchen. And then, My Benevolent Savior said I could have them. For free.

For free? I ask myself. For free? I ask My Benevolent Savior. Can this be true? Yes, truly, She said. When can you pick them up? After some deep soul-searching and an impassioned plea to My Vengeful Non-Truck-Loaning "Friends,” I told My Benevolent Savior that I would rent a U-Haul and be there the next day. And I was. MF took the evening off from architecting and drove like he has sometimes driven before.

We arrived to find My Benevolent Savior's husband/ Co-Savior having a beer and offering to help. My Benevolent Savior was away, in Heaven probably. And so we loaded a kitchen's worth of cabinets into the 14-footer and drove away, after, undoubtedly, an insufficient amount of thanks.

And so we come the second part of this story: The Unloading.

Upon getting everything safe and sound into the garage, I closed the garage door (sliding but not motorized), like anyone might. To my dismay, and even more so to MF's, I had locked all the outside doors since we were using the garage instead. Unfortunately, our keys were inside (next to the sandwiches our dogs were munching instead of us). So, after we broke a couple of basement windows and screens to no avail, MF kicked in our back garage door. Luckily, it is also particle board, and old at that, so it graciously resigned itself to a sawdust retirement right then. The day was saved. The moral of the story is twofold: First, always keep your keys on your person. And second, free cabinetry can inspire other home projects, so “buyer” beware!

This is a true story. I don’t think the neighbors like us anymore. We got new windows today. We are not yet openly speaking about the door.